Yes, I'm sure those are your actual thoughts on every second of the opening minutes, not at all hyperbole designed to set you apart from the common consensus, it comes across as superior.
I never said you had to like it, that's fair enough, but you didn't watch it, full stop (not even the first act, the film is nearly 2 hours long and changes tone at several points, in fact most of the first half is a relationship subplot, nothing like the opening scenes).
What I took issue with was "I feel sorry for anybody who thinks this is funny", as the only intention of such a phrase is to belittle others' experience and tastes.
I tend to agree with your opinions on many other films, and you're clearly passionate about the subject, but your attitude was shitty and I called you on it.
If you're not going to bother to watch a film, why come into a thread about it to give ill-informed critiques?