how to improve brixton - not an anti-"gentrification" thread, honest!

[IntoStella]

Well if you're going to go THAT upmarket - Harvey Nicks please

OK, Harvey Nicks in the Morleys building, Harrods in Bon Marché...


... and Fortnum and Mason in Brady's

 

[Furvert]

one of those new fangled urinal things (like they've got outside shepherds bush empire) to stop the outside of Iceland smelling so fucking bad.

either that, or some bloke handing out bulldog clips.

 

[ernestolynch]

when i worked for oddbins, a member of their property department described brixton as 'not our sort of people'.

the victoria wine at stockwell closed down because it was robbed and staff assaulted too many times.

the wine shop that used to exist across the road from o cantinho (a long time ago) was run by old black guys who were really nice and sold half-decent wine - better than most offies anyway - but they used to man the shop with at least 2 behind the counter, 1 on the door and 2-3 in the middle of the shop (the place was tiny, btw) because of all the shoplifting and robberies. they eventually closed down. (or did the place burn or am i just imagining that?)

anyway, there's m&s, tesco and sainsbury now and they all sell better/cheaper wine than most small oddbins/thresher/viccy wine. imo

m+s has been there for nigh on 100 years, but why did you need to mention the colour of the shopkeepers?

 

[Ol Nick]

one of those new fangled urinal things (like they've got outside shepherds bush empire) to stop the outside of Iceland smelling so fucking bad.

either that, or some bloke handing out bulldog clips.

Hey! Bulldog clips and corks. Ouch.

 

[miss minnie]

forgot to mention that the victoria wine shop was staffed with white people in shirts and ties (clip-ons).

and that there were only two black people working at oddbins 100-or-so-strong head office.

 

[Ms T]

I meant Balls Brothers, but your suggestion is a much better one. If you're going to gentrify, you might as well go the whole hog!

PS Off licenCe

I'm so sorry to lower the tone with my poor spelling. Will repeat twenty times before bed. Licence...licence....licence....

Berry Bros and Rudd is fantastic, btw. It's one of those truly posh shops that treats everyone in the same way, whether you're buying a bottle of cheap plonk, or thousand pound bottles of Mouton Cadet or whatever. The shop assistant there told us that the Queen Mum used to spend fifteen grand a month in there -- mainly on Berry Bros claret and gin! No wonder the old bird lived so long -- she was pickled!

 

[hatboy]

This thread a bit of light relief!

Listen stick your real ideas on my "Coldharbour Environment" thread. I'm in a postion to have some (won't over-estimate how much....) influence now and am working quite hard on it.

Keep this thread for really funny, sarcastic stuff. Here goes:

I'd like to see the covered markets bull-dozed and replaced by BlueWater.

Any one caught looking like they might smoke cannabis (police are advised to use their prejudice if uncertain) should be hung.

All housing association flats should be turned into cushion shops.

Anyone on less that 50k must salute young professionals as they exit the tube and say "welcome to Brixton - playground for the rich - please stand on my face if you cannot see".

Raleigh Hall should become a private health spar with members terrace. (Black Cultural Archives to be relocated to the carpark under the Barrier block).

You may not enter Morleys without a Platinum Amex.

The Albert must become "The Gap", the Angel must become "Starbucks".

Living stays as it is. Perfect.

 

[tom796]

Anyone on less that 50k must salute young professionals as they exit the tube and say "welcome to Brixton - playground for the rich - please stand on my face if you cannot see".

you are a funny man, hattus boyus

 

[theBEAST666]

Murals man, murals

I'd like to see more murals everywhere like the one by the bridge on coldharbour or the one just of acre lane with all the kids playing in the garden with the water wheel.
Murals are fucking brilliant.
Less monotone colours on cars, houses and roads and more murals everywhere.
This ones a long shot but the legalisation of drugs too. Will get rid of all the criminals and dodgy dealers. The government could tax em too and put the money back into the communities.
More trees and community gardens would be nice also. Doesn't take much to get a community garden going you know.
Have a few legal park up spaces for travellers too.

 

[Ms T]

<warms to theme>

The Phoenix should be closed to be taken over by Gordon Ramsay.

Brady's to become the Brixton Arts Club -- private member's bar open only to young professionals.

A branch of Heals where Woolies is.

Barclays to be replaced by Coots and Co.

 

[theBEAST666]

I don't find the no black people comment funny. Even if meant as a joke. Seriously.

 

[Ms T]

It wasn't meant to offend anyone, just to be in the spirit of the thread. It has offended you, so I'll take it out.

 

[theBEAST666]

Cheers.
Are you related to Mr T?

 

[William of Walworth]

The Albert to offer three constantly changing choices of real ales from smaller/unusual breweries. Along with all their other ahem 'choices' ...

It's a good pub, lacking only some decent ale at the moment.

 

[Mrs Magpie]

They got it in and sold very little and were chucking most of it away.....they didn't tell people it was there I don't think, which may have been the big flaw, I certainly didn't know they'd got in real ale........

 

[pooka]

No, no, no - all this is dangerous talk, tempting fate to say the least.

Here's the best protection against gentrification - it's not too late.

To the concrete mixers, citoyens!

 

[Ms T]

Cheers.
Are you related to Mr T?

Nah. Haven't got nearly as many gold necklaces....

 

[lang rabbie]

Here'sthe best protection against gentrification - it's not too late.

Not sure that would work - if you can sell Alexander Fleming House at the Elephant, you can sell anything in the current property market, and remember the flats would have been built to Parker Norris space standards. e.g.

"High rise living in edgy Brixton. Spacious luxury apartments in funky retro-1960s towers with easy motorway access to Brighton for the weekend."

 

[Brixton Hatter]

Pedestrianisation

There's a good argument for pedestrianising the whole kit and caboodle, including the above, Electric Ave, Electric lane and Rushcroft Road, except for necessary access traffic. This would mean a cohesive, intelligent landscape architecture scheme could be applied to the whole area.

In fact, Effra Road is going to be closed by 2008. More info here

Free sex and drugs here

On a more serious note, I think luxury flats should be built on Brockwell Park to house all the new yuppies. This ultimate gated development would fetch quite a lot of cash which could then be spent for the good of the community - eg expenses for councillors, consultants fees, lawyers fees, bonuses for traffic wardens etc.

 

[IntoStella]

In fact, Effra Road is going to be closed by 2008. More info here

Free sex and drugs here

Bah! Where are my free sex and drugs, you rotter?!

(Great shame it clashes with Offline )

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

one of those new fangled urinal things (like they've got outside shepherds bush empire) to stop the outside of Iceland smelling so fucking bad.

either that, or some bloke handing out bulldog clips.

How about Unisex urinals Came across one of them in Malaysia. Wasn't sure which way I was meant to sit

 

[Brixton Hatter]

Bah! Where are my free sex and drugs, you rotter?!

I'm ever so sorry IS - the lengths you have to go to get people to attend a BAF meeting! However, I did hear that certain interesting substances might be avilable at the BAF meeting... like photocopied papers etc

(Great shame it clashes with Offline )

The meeting runs from 7 to 8.30, with time for "networking" (daaaarhling!) afterwards. You could come to just the meeting and arrive fashionably late to Offline....

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

This thread a bit of light relief!

blame isvicthere. It shouldn't be allowed

All housing association flats should be turned into cushion shops.

b... bu... but I'd be 'omeless guv

 

[IntoStella]

b... bu... but I'd be 'omeless guv

It's OK. You could live in a cushion.

 

[IntoStella]

The meeting runs from 7 to 8.30, with time for "networking" (daaaarhling!) afterwards. You could come to just the meeting and arrive fashionably late to Offline....

I'm sorry, BH, but I'm feeding people before Offline. Next time, eh?

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

For outside Iceland

 

[IntoStella]

What is the point of that??? It's just a funny shaped toilet!!

It would take me longer to use that than to use a normal loo!

On the other hand, perhaps Mrs Magpie could have one installed in her handbag.

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

What is the point of that??? It's just a funny shaped toilet!!

It would take me longer to use that than to use a normal loo!

On the other hand, perhaps Mrs Magpie could have one installed in her handbag.

Well the one I used in Malaysia wasn't that big and I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to face wall or face door

Well it's not fair that men can pee up a wall and we've nowhere to go

I wouldn't use it anyway

 

[Minnie_the_Minx]

could become the new Harrods Food Hall

 

[Ol Nick]

Well it's not fair that men can pee up a wall and we've nowhere to go

Tish and pish. And tiss and piss.