so i've finished work thank god. i think that will be (hopefully) one of the hardest 14hours of my life.
i cant sleep, i dont really know what to do with myself now. i'll roll a spliff that should help.
i think the most upsetting part of my night was watching the horriffic pictures on the television as we had new 24 on in the control room, and i sit right in front of the TV. for 14 hours i've absorbed other peoples shock and confusion through a never ending series of news reports, i've watched a man describe his experience on the bus as people were 'splattered' with glass time and time again. its burned into the back fo my head. this was only made worse by some bloke at the BBC having the bright idea to intersperse london footage with pictures from previous explosions around the world, i would look up and see a building in rubble and think 'god here we go again'.
After call after call to suspect packages from croydon to barnet by about 2am a weird calm settled over the room, we accepted nothing would happen overnight and it became a waiting game until we could hand over to the day shift. not that we wouldn't stand up to whatever happened, but all of us are emotionally wiped out and mentally drained. the officers, extra staff and volountary services left gradually until it was just my watch left, and we looked at each other, realised its just us and continued as normal.
The 999 calls coming in ranged from the life threatening to the ludicrous. but the ludicrous ones were generally people who believed their 3wk old sore throat was life threatening. you cant help people like that. we had an inordinate amount of psychiatric patients and two rapes on my sector which is pretty much unheard of (i've only dealt with 2 in the last 2 years). i dont know if the general stress on the situation has got to people.
the only anger i've seen all night was a reaction (by all staff) to the man (i dont know who he was) who was quoted as saying that the emergency services took too long entering the tunnels to help the victims. we learnt lessons at 911, the emergency services ran into that and not enough ran out again.
everybody runs away from a disaster, the emergency services run towards it.
i joined the service knowing that london would be the victim of a terrorist attack at some point. i personally believe we as a city came off lightly, i also believe this may not be the end. we've known it was coming, it was just a case of when. people on the tv were quoted as saying that they would move jobs, never get on a tube, never visit london. thats a pity. i've lived in london all my life with the threat of terrorist attacks from the IRA or others, it happened then, its happened now.
to anybody who lost a loved one my deepest condolances.
i think i might not open the paper i just bought. i cant take any more today.
i've finished my spliff
goodnight
wiskers