How can I get the squatters down the road evicted?

[Flavour]

They've been there for almost a month now, the scruffy bastards. I've tried as best I can to communicate the urgency of the situation to the municipality but they insist that funds are overstretched enough as it is and there's just no way they can forcibly evict them.

For fuck's sake! It's only a bunch of defenseless, mostly female Syrian refugees and their skinny anarcho-scum mates, nothing a small team of hardy nightclub bouncers couldn't sort out. The question is, which private security firm will do the job cheapest? I've tried calling Securitas but they're a bit worried about the legality of it without council authorization.

A fucking tizzy, I'm in.

E2A: It should go without saying really that this is an old property in what has been, up to now, generally considered a sought-after area. I can literally feel the value of my house drop another grand every time I see a new piece of political graffiti.

 

[Cid]

'a bit worried' just means 'add a zero', go back with a new offer and they'll help you out.

 

[Pickman's model]

They've been there for almost a month now, the scruffy bastards. I've tried as best I can to communicate the urgency of the situation to the municipality but they insist that funds are overstretched enough as it is and there's just no way they can forcibly evict them.

For fuck's sake! It's only a bunch of defenseless, mostly female Syrian refugees and their skinny anarcho-scum mates, nothing a small team of hardy nightclub bouncers couldn't sort out. The question is, which private security firm will do the job cheapest? I've tried calling Securitas but they're a bit worried about the legality of it without council authorization.

A fucking tizzy, I'm in.

E2A: It should go without saying really that this is an old property in what has been, up to now, generally considered a sought-after area. I can literally feel the value of my house drop another grand every time I see a new piece of political graffiti.

get in some consultants from belfast to help them with a political mural which will add loads to the value of their property and yours.

 

[Ted Striker]

They've been there for almost a month now, the scruffy bastards. I've tried as best I can to communicate the urgency of the situation to the municipality but they insist that funds are overstretched enough as it is and there's just no way they can forcibly evict them.

For fuck's sake! It's only a bunch of defenseless, mostly female Syrian refugees and their skinny anarcho-scum mates, nothing a small team of hardy nightclub bouncers couldn't sort out. The question is, which private security firm will do the job cheapest? I've tried calling Securitas but they're a bit worried about the legality of it without council authorization.

A fucking tizzy, I'm in.

E2A: It should go without saying really that this is an old property in what has been, up to now, generally considered a sought-after area. I can literally feel the value of my house drop another grand every time I see a new piece of political graffiti.

What you need is, my friend, is someone to go all the way and capable of causing a right fracas. The 'whom', I don't know, sadly.

 

[Flavour]

That's the problem you see, I don't know any local gangsters because quite simply, there aren't any. So one's personal connections to a hitherto nonexistent underworld may not be relied upon. I'd need to import people, as Pickman's recommended, but not to draw murals or any nonsense of that order, but just to have a quiet, but stern word with the scruffy, scruffy, scruffy little shits about the probable consequences of their continued occupation. I'll have all those war widows straight back on a plane to Turkey sharpish, that's for damn sure, kids too.