How can I get rid of a tenant?

[Roadkill]

One of my tenants has been made redundant and I don't want dole-scroungers in my flats. How can I get rid of her?

 

[Citizen66]

Under the patio?

 

[machine cat]

This will go well...

 

[DotCommunist]

its ok, you're on a rolling contract anyway so just give the two months notice.

 

[Citizen66]

This will go well...

Well, until this afternoon anyway.

 

[Cid]

Does she have children? If she's not working you may be able to report her to social services.

 

[machine cat]

I've just realised what day it is

 

[maya]

Play Bonnie Tyler in a continuous loop on Spinal Tap volume until s/he either tops herself, our moves out.

 

[not-bono-ever]

cant you employ some east end toughs to go and rough them up a bit, maybe smash some of their royal doulton ? nothing upsets tenants more than a cracked soup tureen

 

[Roadkill]

Play Bonnie Tyler in a continuous loop on Spinal Tap volume until s/he either tops herself, our moves out.

This is not an option: I hate Bonnie Tyler. The Smiths might do it, though.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Team up with an MP and buy the entire estate and demolish it to build luxury flats. It's the only way.

 

[Roadkill]

Team up with an MP and buy the entire estate and demolish it to build luxury flats. It's the only way.

Good idea. I'll give my mate Dave in Chipping Norton a ring.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Good idea. I'll give my mate Dave in Chipping Norton a ring.

He might have some extra time on his hands in a few weeks too - good choice.

Don't forget - he knows some very useful people too to help you sort out your pesky tenant problem.

 

[Blagsta]

You need a super tenant

 

[DotCommunist]

realistically, while there may be hiccups in a dole persons rent arrangements it inevitably gets backdated and if you keep them the state essentially pays your mortgage. Effectively a massive tax cut for you.

 

[Roadkill]

realistically, while there may be hiccups in a dole persons rent arrangements it inevitably gets backdated and if you keep them the state essentially pays your mortgage. Effectively a massive tax cut for you.

That's not the point! Everyone knows that people on the dole all smoke like chimneys and sit around in their underwear drinking special brew and watching EastEnders all day. It'd let the area down.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Play Bonnie Tyler in a continuous loop on Spinal Tap volume until s/he either tops herself, our moves out.

That would be classed as a crime against humanity!

 

[TopCat]

I will decant the property for £400.

 

[SpookyFrank]

If you want to be charitable simply pretend you're selling the property and give the two months' notice.

If the tennants are just dole scroungers it's unlikely they'll even notice that you've put up a 'to let' sign outside rather than a 'for sale' sign. One doesn't find oneself unemployed due to a surplus of brains does one?

 

[Monkeygrinder's Organ]

Personally, I always prefer the personal touch you get with hired goons.

 

[Pingu]

how can one get rid of a tenant...

 

[Favelado]

You could always invite them round to your house and say you need to talk to them. Once they arrive, insist that they take a tour of the house, inviting them to pick up and touch any ornament they think is beautiful or interesting. The moment they get a candelabra or vase in their hands, take a photo of them, call the police and explain that you are being burgled by a tenant with a bizarre vendetta against you.

This way, they get out of your property but still get a roof over their head courtesy of H.M.'s Prison Service!