Feeling a little upset

[SwizzleStiX]

Have had you know, bit upset, returned from maternity leave to my old job but the digs keep on flowing, are you pregnant again? lots of stares at my tummy, yes your pregnant again - i'm not and i tell them every day i'm not but barely a week goes buy when i'm asked. Its not funny - i'm starting to wonder if they want me out. I know i should be stronger - but how many times do you have to be asked - what should i say

 

[Belushi]

Thats a bit fucked up. Who's making the comments? If you've got a hr dept there go and explain to them whats happening.

 

[geminisnake]

Is there someone you can speak to?? HR as Belushi says or a manager?? Personal cracks are a type of bullying and workplaces are meant to have guidelines about that!!
(((SS)))

 

[SwizzleStiX]

I know all the departments - and they are coming from all angles :-( Got bullied by a previous employee and because i spoke up about it, i fear it did not go down well. It turned out he was clinically depressed, but i had to stand up for myself. I'm hoping that this is not all coming back on me now :-(.

 

[Belushi]

It's important you say something now, and then if it goes on document it every time it happens,

 

[colacubes]

It's important you say something now, and then if it goes on document it every time it happens,

This. And follow up any conversation in writing so you have evidence of it.

And have some brackets (((SwizzleStiX)))

 

[pengaleng]

having clinical depression is absolutely no excuse for taking your shit out on other people.

 

[Streathamite]

It's important you say something now, and then if it goes on document it every time it happens,

This.

swizzlestyx, belushi knows his stuff. There is ZERO reason why you should have to put up with this bollocks (besides which, that's MY job to go on endlessly about when you're having a second sprog ). They're all meant to be highly professional people who should know better. A word with the dept head, and then HR, making it clear how absolutely out of order it all is, and how it's upsetting you, is essential.

Your employer is a large corporation with, IMO, more than enough image problems as it is, which is precisely why they carefully cultivate the image of a modern, model employer. The last thing they'll risk is anything which damages that.
I'm wondering however, whether it's more simple crassness and thoughtlessness on the part of your colleagues, given that plant/construction industry types, and engineering types, are not known for their sensitivity and tact.

 

[Streathamite]

having clinical depression is absolutely no excuse for taking your shit out on other people.

damn right.

 

[Mrs Magpie]

having clinical depression is absolutely no excuse for taking your shit out on other people.

You've been doing it for years

 

[Orang Utan]

wtf?

 

[pengaleng]

You've been doing it for years

oh fuck off you rancid old hag, you know shit all about me.

 

[pengaleng]

wtf?

fuck knows, been on the sauce I'd imagine, needs intervention.

 

[Streathamite]

You've been doing it for years

unnecessary, within the context of helping SwizzleStix?

 

[Orang Utan]

swizzlestix - it's out of order and you shouldn't have to stand for it.

 

[Streathamite]

swizzlestix - it's out of order and you shouldn't have to stand for it.

cheers mate - well said

 

[Belushi]

If you're at a big company I'd be very surprised if your HR Dept didnt take it seriously swizzlestix - people on/just returned from maternity leave are one of the groups companies really dont want to be seen mistreating nowadays because of the potential for bad publicity,

 

[Wookey]

You've been doing it for years

Ooh, Mrs M, you saucepot!

I think these questions are clearly upsetting and need to stop, but rather than upscaling it to HR, who will inevitably have to have a conversation with somebody who's responsible for it, why don't you try to head it off yourself? The next time someone asks if you are pregnant, look them right in the eye and say: "No, I am NOT, you cheeky motherfucker."

You have to italicise cheeky motherfucker when you say it, and don't smile one bit. In fact, GLARE.

I doubt they would ask again.

I can understand you being sensitive at this time, especially, but don't let your sensitivities or worry about the legitimacy of your work status allow you to get these comments out of proportion, give them the derision they deserve, you are above this, and you need to stop simpering in front of your workmates and defend yourself, if you possibly can.

If you can't, HR.

 

[Wookey]

And before anyone scoops up with the contrary canary on their arm!! I only say the above because I went through the HR process when someone was reported saying something about me, and it all got blown up into "proper chats" with the offending party, and tbh I found it rather uncomfortable, and a bit divisive rather than concilliatory. In retro-specs, I should have just gone and had a stern word with the fella and put him in his place about it first up.

 

[RaverDrew]

You've been doing it for years

Wtf ?

Totally uncalled for Mrs M.

 

[Streathamite]

Ooh, Mrs M, you saucepot!

I think these questions are clearly upsetting and need to stop, but rather than upscaling it to HR, who will inevitably have to have a conversation with somebody who's responsible for it, why don't you try to head it off yourself? The next time someone asks if you are pregnant, look them right in the eye and say: "No, I am NOT, you cheeky motherfucker."

You have to italicise cheeky motherfucker when you say it, and don't smile one bit. In fact, GLARE.

I doubt they would ask again.

I can understand you being sensitive at this time, especially, but don't let your sensitivities or worry about the legitimacy of your work status allow you to get these comments out of proportion, give them the derision they deserve, you are above this, and you need to stop simpering in front of your workmates and defend yourself, if you possibly can.

If you can't, HR.

I think this particular workplace may need a rather more polite version of "cheeky mofo"! Apart from that, this from Wookey is spot on

 

[SwizzleStiX]

Thanks so much all for your great advice - i think i'm going to rise above it and next time ask - and why do you ask that ? I think theyre being insensitive- but maybe not aware enough.. I'll defo stand up next time - better go at work currently.

 

[miss minnie]

Can you get a badge or t-shirt made up with 'I'm not pregnant' on it?

 

[gaijingirl]

I'd be inclined to say something along the lines of "no I'm not, but when I am you'll obviously be the first to know"... said with "a voice". if you know what I mean?... ie... "mind your own business you nosy, inappropriate twat!"

 

[pianissimo]

Rather insensitive your colleagues are.

Agree with aboves.
But why not humour them? Say yea I'm. See how big my boobs are getting! And followed by a firm statement of, 'NO, I AM NOT.'
Don't let dumb comments get to you is the key.

 

[Quartz]

Sounds like sexual harrassment. And it's still SH if the harrassers are female.

 

[Orang Utan]

 

[Wookey]

I'd be inclined to say something along the lines of "no I'm not, but when I am you'll obviously be the first to know"... said with "a voice". if you know what I mean?... ie... "mind your own business you nosy, inappropriate twat!"

That was my first thought!!

"Not the moment no, but the minute I am pregnant I'll be sure to send you an email...." - said with The Voice.

Whatever makes them stand in their tracks really, and get the message that their comments are not required. Personally, I rather like the sound of "motherfucker" in the office, it's so unexpected it's like dropping a bomb. Ahhh, great times when Wookey lets rip.

 

[rheajakosalem]

The only thing you can do to stop the speculation is to have yourself checked and provide HR a copy of the documents. Or probably show it to your colleagues! Maybe they are just teasing you and there are times when we feel vulnerable and our co-workers are insensitive to our emotions. Well, don't let them make you a funny stuff and stand for yourself. Let your voice be heard.