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Bands! Have you ever had a kicking in the press?

C

clandestino

no llevar papel
Reading the "were you in a band" thread, got me thinking about reviews. And, sure, while the positive ones are always welcome, it's often the real kickings that stay with you.

So, bands, have you ever had a kicking in the press? What did the review say? How did you react then? And what do you think of the review looking back on it now?
 
Oddly enough, no. Though one band I was in was described by the NME as "post teutonic freeform impressionists" which could mean anything.
 
Oh, I've had some howlingly bad ones. I mean, really awful.

Let me see if I can dig the reviews up and relive the pain.
 
I *challenge* anyone to post up a worse review than this one (from the NME).

We later heard that he wasn't actually at the gig (hence the curious stuff about "waving leaks") but I liked being compared to a revving car "plagued with big end problems", and back in Wales the final line gave us much kudos: "Not surprisingly, the evening ended in a fight."

All our Valleys gigs were like that, so at least that bit was true :)

Rrrracist!
 

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my cheesey metal band got a savaging from some local paper for being, well, a cheesey metal band. i'll see if i can find it :D

most of our reviews were in German so i'm not sure if they were good or bad...
 
editor said:
I *challenge* anyone to post up a worse review than this one (from the NME).

We later heard that he wasn't actually at the gig (hence the curious stuff about "waving leaks") but I liked being compared to a revving car "plagued with big end problems", and back in Wales the final line gave us much kudos: "Not surprisingly, the evening ended in a fight."

All our Valleys gigs were like that, so at least that bit was true :)

Rrrracist!
Click to expand...

Class hahaha :D
 
editor said:
I *challenge* anyone to post up a worse review than this one (from the NME).

We later heard that he wasn't actually at the gig (hence the curious stuff about "waving leaks") but I liked being compared to a revving car "plagued with big end problems", and back in Wales the final line gave us much kudos: "Not surprisingly, the evening ended in a fight."

All our Valleys gigs were like that, so at least that bit was true :)

Rrrracist!
Click to expand...

the NME managed to be shite even in the late 70's when great bands were everywhere. Getting a slag off from them was probably the best thing a band could wish for..
 
ianw said:
Reading the "were you in a band" thread, got me thinking about reviews. And, sure, while the positive ones are always welcome, it's often the real kickings that stay with you.

So, bands, have you ever had a kicking in the press? What did the review say? How did you react then? And what do you think of the review looking back on it now?
Click to expand...

Sort of, but I like them as much as 'good reviews' Here are some bits of reviews that Rutabowa collated.

This song takes the award as the most torturous I have ever heard. The volume in this song is beyond deafening and it’s just so so so poor.

Do people think that more noise makes up for less talent, this song clearly demonstrates it doesn’t.

I don’t think this song could sound any worse if you tried. The music is a shambles of noise and the loud distorted sounds are just overpowering.

It’s very rare that a song actually starts to give me a headache, but this song is certainly making a very good go of doing that.

This track contained no rhythm beat or tune.

Oh my god - what can I say. When the track started I thought my speakers were going to break! Lots of angry shouting but its distorted so you can't make out what it is.

Crikey that was intense! The quality of the recording isn't great on this track and it's full of distortion, which made it really hard to hear if anything was being done well.

The only word I could make out over the static was “baby”.

This song is too loud. The music is very distracting. It’s not good to the ears. The lyrics cannot be understood. I do not like the song.

Is there any point to this very squeaky track? You really can’t hear anything, no music, no singing, only screeching. Not easy to listen to.

I didn’t really see where it was going as it sounded like a man shouting after being awoken from a coma or something.
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In general though, the reviews in the right sort of mags and fanzines are very nice.
 
It's funny how both that review of our esteemed editor, and that review of Filthy Pedro, appear to have been written by pensioners from the 1940s. What is it about writing music reviews that turns people into over-formal bloviaters?

("Bloviate" is dictionary.com's word of the day today, and I like it)

"a fair chunk of this album focuses on insulting British residents – never a sure way to make a good impression"

er, yeah, like people form bands because "they want to make a good impression". You wonder if she despairs of bands that slouch and don't have a firm handshake.

And she can't spell "ante". And there is so much inarticulate muddle-headedness in the following sentence it beggars belief:

"In order for this outlet have any chance at success Pedro and his Carthage civilians need to have a frank talking to, install their resentment of certain minorities in another project and focus on their love for referencing and drugs. That particular mix would have been commendable, but overall this is too angry to be considered precious"

So much music writing reads like English isn't the writer's first language. Try reading that paragraph aloud: it sounds like someone's put it through Google's auto translator from the original Italian or something. It's the kind of guff you write when you're 14, which your English teacher puts a big red line through. I like reading good music writing, but the vast majority of it lives up to Zappa's definition of a music writer: someone who knows little about music and can't write.
 
Sorry to get all JC on your arses, but this is the perfect moment to post this:

Re: Our gig at Deptford Abyss
Who the hell does Jeff Dreadnought think he is?
Was he even there? (I ask myself)
Does he even care? (don’t kid yourself)
Wait ’til our PR men hear of this

It’s a bad review, we got a bad review …oh Lord
It’s a bad review – wotta we gonna do? …oh Lord
I can’t walk down the street ‘cos other groups I might meet, and they’ll smirk
Oh, it’s a rum old do, is a bad review …oh Lord
And my girlfriend’s fuming

You hacks don’t know where it’s at
You can’t appreciate the master of the Strat
Not that I’m concerned (‘course you’re not)
Your paper’s full of crap (‘course it is)
I only read the gig guide anyway

It’s a bad review, a b-b-b-bad review …oh Lord
We got a bad review, I can’t believe its true …oh Lord
Well I know what you look like, so don’t ever come near Stroud,
Page 32, it’s a bad review …oh Lord
My girlfriend’s fuming

OK – let’s go to chapel

Oo-oo – what’s to do? It’s a bad review
Oo-oo – what’s to do? It’s a bad review

The fearsome hollow boom of the older boys in the deep end
The green shoots of recovery shrivelled up in harsh tomorrows
Left to pick dry sticks and mumble to myself
A melancholy emblem of parish cruelty


tm Nigel Blackwell :cool:
 
It's the same in life isn't it, the bad things people say about you for ever, the good you just assume is someone flattering you for their own ends. :D
 
Mind you, I was in a band that Mary Anne Hobbs described as, "these latest wet knicker wonders are Grade A cutie pies"... and "radiating Ray Ban cool."

I think she fancied us :)

I'll dig up some more shit reviews later.
 
Where as Jane Simon from Sounds was not impressed at all by the same band. Mind you, a half page review will do very nicely thankyouverymuch.

Dead funny review, though. I'll take the Cult/Cure stuff on the chin, but Duran? Pah!

Bigger version here: http://www.urban75.org/blog/images/kau-tau.gif
 

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southside said:
Do you remember Mike Spencer's Cannibals Ed?
Click to expand...

I used to go to just about all their gigs for a while. I was fronting a punky R&B band at the time. After our band split the bass guitarist joined the Cannibals.

Fabulous band, and Micky was a real character too.
 
I remember a guy from sounds or melody maker (V early 90s) saying he would give us a good review if we gave him a lift home.
Or A bad one if we didn't.
 
southside said:
Do you remember Mike Spencer's Cannibals Ed?
Click to expand...

I almost joined the Cannibals at one point. I would have been their 957th guitarist I think. They were just about to go on tour in Scandinavia and I'm sure it would have been a fairly fun, rock'n'roll experience, but I decided I wanted to get my own thing going instead. When I called Mike to tell him that I wasn't going to come in for audition after all, he went mental - he does have a reputation for being a firebrand, so maybe it would have been a nightmare. But I do regret it now. Even if I'd lasted a month, it would have been an experience. And it's not as if it was sophisticated music. I'm a pretty basic guitarist, but I would have been just right for the Cannibals I reckon.

Anyway, sorry Mike.
 
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