Dear dance floor drummers,
You bunch of selfish fucking cunts!!! What kind of fucktard brings a bongo onto the dance floor thinking that they are in anyway contributing to our aural pleasure. In paticular you, the bloke who tried to play almost non stop for the last 3 hours. Only it wasn't non stop was it? It was play some bollocks rythm (and i use the term rythm very loosely) for 10 seconds then stop because your a bit shit, wait ten seconds then start up again and repeat. Non of which was even pretending to be in time with the music. Drummer, you are a social square peg if ever there was one. Some mothers really do 'ave em!
You are known to me as a phenomonen called 'social betamax' in that you aren't seen around very often but when you are, you're not really very compatible, are you? Is the bongo the 'must have' accessory for the socialy crippled nowadays, is it? Is that why you were there on your own, was it? Did all you digereedoo playing friends have to go bed early so they could get up nice and early in the morning for 'special lessons'?
I've come to the conclusion that bongos on the dance floor are the musical equivalent of a workmans radio left on at a funeral. They are neither wanted nor appropriate. Mind you, you'd probably take a bongo into the opera, wouldn't you? Why not go the whole hog and take an air horn in to Macbeth or duck call on a guided tour of Belsen?
Why do we have to put up with you pricks on our dance floors? I presume less fluffy scenes had you're card marked some time ago, didn't they? Infact now I mention it, I've never seen one of you tossers at a D+B night. Infact if you haven't already, then why don't you seen what the south east London grime scene make of your bongos? I'm sure they'd just luurve them.
You see the DJ's know what they're doing which is why they were booked and paid to be there in the first place and why you were not. You, with all the sublety or a music therapy session for neurotic middleclass housewives, may close your eyes and fantasise that we are all dancing along to your club handed, migraine of a noise if you like but if you take a stroll with your bongo out into the car park and thrash out your percussive spasm there instead you'll notice just how many of us follow you.
You haven't earned or even influanced the audiance in the slightest other than cultivating an unspoken yet collective sense of pity and frustration and a higher than normal number of embarrased glances between complete strangers. You are just a talentless fucking parasite getting you ego kicks by proxy.
What? What was that you said? That some people have approached you and said how much they are enjoying your paticular musical strain? They didn't happen to have a bongo on them as well did they? They probably wanted to see if you would be their friend so you could exchange phone numbers and go to the cinema together and see how it feels to be 'normal'. What? They didn't have bongos? Well in that case they were the aggressive looking and very, very mangled ones who had alienated everyone else and who, in a desparate 'e' fueled bout of self consciouness and social paranoia, have let they're loved up side get the better of them and felt the need to make contact with the only person left who will talk to them. YOU. Take it from me, you have no talent whatsoever.
So just to recap, incase your social reasoning skills have let you down once more, drumming on the dance floor while the DJ is mid flow is at best plain fucking rude and at worst diliberately thoughtless and disruptive. GET IT dance floor drummers? If you are reading this and are STILL at a loss then please, please just fuck off and die...
...quietly.
Yours
Tory Boy
You bunch of selfish fucking cunts!!! What kind of fucktard brings a bongo onto the dance floor thinking that they are in anyway contributing to our aural pleasure. In paticular you, the bloke who tried to play almost non stop for the last 3 hours. Only it wasn't non stop was it? It was play some bollocks rythm (and i use the term rythm very loosely) for 10 seconds then stop because your a bit shit, wait ten seconds then start up again and repeat. Non of which was even pretending to be in time with the music. Drummer, you are a social square peg if ever there was one. Some mothers really do 'ave em!
You are known to me as a phenomonen called 'social betamax' in that you aren't seen around very often but when you are, you're not really very compatible, are you? Is the bongo the 'must have' accessory for the socialy crippled nowadays, is it? Is that why you were there on your own, was it? Did all you digereedoo playing friends have to go bed early so they could get up nice and early in the morning for 'special lessons'?
I've come to the conclusion that bongos on the dance floor are the musical equivalent of a workmans radio left on at a funeral. They are neither wanted nor appropriate. Mind you, you'd probably take a bongo into the opera, wouldn't you? Why not go the whole hog and take an air horn in to Macbeth or duck call on a guided tour of Belsen?
Why do we have to put up with you pricks on our dance floors? I presume less fluffy scenes had you're card marked some time ago, didn't they? Infact now I mention it, I've never seen one of you tossers at a D+B night. Infact if you haven't already, then why don't you seen what the south east London grime scene make of your bongos? I'm sure they'd just luurve them.
You see the DJ's know what they're doing which is why they were booked and paid to be there in the first place and why you were not. You, with all the sublety or a music therapy session for neurotic middleclass housewives, may close your eyes and fantasise that we are all dancing along to your club handed, migraine of a noise if you like but if you take a stroll with your bongo out into the car park and thrash out your percussive spasm there instead you'll notice just how many of us follow you.
You haven't earned or even influanced the audiance in the slightest other than cultivating an unspoken yet collective sense of pity and frustration and a higher than normal number of embarrased glances between complete strangers. You are just a talentless fucking parasite getting you ego kicks by proxy.
What? What was that you said? That some people have approached you and said how much they are enjoying your paticular musical strain? They didn't happen to have a bongo on them as well did they? They probably wanted to see if you would be their friend so you could exchange phone numbers and go to the cinema together and see how it feels to be 'normal'. What? They didn't have bongos? Well in that case they were the aggressive looking and very, very mangled ones who had alienated everyone else and who, in a desparate 'e' fueled bout of self consciouness and social paranoia, have let they're loved up side get the better of them and felt the need to make contact with the only person left who will talk to them. YOU. Take it from me, you have no talent whatsoever.
So just to recap, incase your social reasoning skills have let you down once more, drumming on the dance floor while the DJ is mid flow is at best plain fucking rude and at worst diliberately thoughtless and disruptive. GET IT dance floor drummers? If you are reading this and are STILL at a loss then please, please just fuck off and die...
...quietly.
Yours
Tory Boy
