Sting's wife may be leaving the UK in a huff, and taking Mr Sting with her

[editor]

I'm crying real tears for her here.

....last weekend's heartbreaking news that Richard Branson has moved permanently to his Virgin Island tax haven has suddenly become two-pronged. To an interview in Tuesday's Times, then, and a threat so grave that this column has been heavily sedated ever since reading it.

There really is no easy way to say this, but Trudie Styler, too, is thinking of ditching us. "I don't want to criticise my country," explains Trudie graciously, "but there are times I feel that Sting and myself have been treated unkindly [by the British press]."

I'm sure we all wish a pox on these scribblers – I myself seem to be coming out in hives just thinking about them – who have led Trudie to conclude she is far more relaxed in America "not having to second-guess myself". Her conclusion is as blood-curdling as it is self-effacing: "Sting and I need to think what our relationship is to England in the long term."

Rethinking their relationship with England? Why do I picture a wailing and snot-streaked England literally hanging on to Sting and Trudie's legs, and screaming: "Wait! Don't leave me! I can CHANGE!", before altering tack and sending them 473 abusive text messages threatening to kill itself if they don't relent and realise just how perfect we all are together.

But perhaps all is not lost. This may be just the denial stage talking, but I think it's important to recognise that Sting and Trudie have not definitely stated they will abandon us. The interview is possibly a warning shot designed to shock the nation into contemplating the reality of losing one of its cultural crown jewels.

Even so, what has brought it all on? "The unkind treatment," speculates the Times, "may be a reference to the damaging story a few years ago when the couple's personal chef successfully sued for unfair dismissal after losing her job while pregnant."

"It was very wounding," explains Trudie. "I wasn't even asked to speak up for myself. It was trial by Daily Mail."

Technically, it was trial by Southampton employment tribunal (case unanimously upheld, with Ms Styler's "shameful conduct" toward her servants cited in a blistering judgment) – but go on.

"Rockstars' wives have never been given an easy time," observes Trudie. "They weren't nice about Linda McCartney till she died."

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...17/trudie-styler-threatening-to-leave-britain

 

[white rabbit]

Say it isn't so! How will the people of Britain come to terms with the loss.

 

[Funky_monks]

Cheerio!

 

[xenon]

Bye then.

 

[Pickman's model]

 

[QueenOfGoths]

Noooooooooooooooooo! I am weeping onto my copy of "Fields of Gold"!!

 

[twentythreedom]

He should've stayed there when he wrote "Englishman In New York". The irritating cunt

 

[felixthecat]

Couldn't they go somewhere further away than the USA? Some remote island in the South Atlantic or some thing like that?

 

[Poot]

TTFN.

 

[likesfish]

Couldn't they go somewhere further away than the USA? Some remote island in the South Atlantic or some thing like that?

What have the penguins done to you?

 

[Frances Lengel]

That's what's wrong with this country - People are jealous of success. If someone does well over here, people just want to do them down. It's the politics of envy writ large. Not like in the States.

 

[DotCommunist]

he won't be standing so close to me anymore then

 

[IC3D]

I'm sure we all agree her altruism should of been far more lauded by the masses than it was #regret

 

[nogojones]

Missing you already

 

[Corax]

Makes a change I guess. I'm far more used to the likes of Lloyd-Webber promising to fuck off if Labour get elected. And then fucking reneging on it IIUC.

 

[Gingerman]

Don't let the door etc.....

 

[shagnasty]

he won't be standing so close to me anymore then

Don't worry he will send back a message in a bottle

 

[Gingerman]

Going to be so lonely without Stink

 

[HST]

I thought Mr Sting lived in Italy and that Mrs Sting just hung out with her personal trainer but I could be wrong.

 

[clicker]

The moon?

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Bye then!

Would it be cruel to ask them to move to Mars?

 

[HST]

They'll wind up in the States with all the other hasbeens.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

They'll wind up in the States with all the other hasbeens.

I feel sorry for the people of the US.

 

[white rabbit]

The moon?

I was wondering what she'd been successful at (aside marriage), so I went to her Wikipedia page. Apparently she helped produce that 2009 Duncan Jones film, Moon. But she still does come across as Lady Muck.

 

[dessiato]

If you love someone set them free. He said, "Consider me gone". As he looks at the moon over Bourbon Street, you should build a fortress round your heart.

 

[Wolveryeti]

What was she famous for again apart from having married Sting and awful plastic surgery?

At least she has a promising career ahead of her in the States as a Karl Lagerfeld look-a-like.

 

[nino_savatte]

 

[dessiato]

As he goes walking on the moon, it's the time when we dance. Some will say they, "Can't stand losing you" as every breath he takes. As for his wife, every little thing she does is magic. Will he be taking the last ship? Travelling on the wild wild sea. Maybe have Christmas at sea where he could sing the ballad of the Great Eastern. Perhaps he could go working in the shipyard, as Jock the singing welder, driving a stolen car. However, we should show some respect. If I met him I'd have to say "You only cross my mind in winter". He speaks the language of the birds.

Sorry, can't be bothered anymore. There's enough Sting song title references in this and my previous post to keep me rock steady.

 

[IC3D]

As he goes walking on the moon, it's the time when we dance. Some will say they, "Can't stand losing you" as every breath he takes. As for his wife, every little thing she does is magic. Will he be taking the last ship? Travelling on the wild wild sea. Maybe have Christmas at sea where he could sing the ballad of the Great Eastern. Perhaps he could go working in the shipyard, as Jock the singing welder, driving a stolen car. However, we should show some respect. If I met him I'd have to say "You only cross my mind in winter". He speaks the language of the birds.

Sorry, can't be bothered anymore. There's enough Sting song title references in this and my previous post to keep me rock steady.

Your dire humour really is the sting in the tail of this entire debacle

 

[RedDragon]