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Shit film titles/concepts/pitches

Three's A Crowd - Dave Three was the best homicide detective in the NYPD until a bullet to the brain from a crazed gunman put him down for a six month coma. Eventually he recovered, but that injury triggered a long-dormant multiple personality disorder. Now he's back, chasing down the bad guys, but as three different people in one body: cerebral, calm, methodical investigator David; smooth-talking ladies' man Davy; and brutal psycho-with-a-deathwise Davo. Look out New York underworld - there's a new trio of cops in town.
 
Orang Utan said:
RIPD - a supernatural comedy about a police department for ghosts. i'm not even joking. that's worse than 'jaws with paws'.
more please!
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Doesn't sound that bad. If done well it could work in a Ghostbusters, The Frighteners or Beetlejuice way. At least it doesn't feature superheroes or giant robots and it isn't a remake.

Mind, I'd also be first in the line for tickets if there was a "Jaws with Paws" with kittens.
 
Everyone must have scoffed when Crank was pitched, but that turned out to be one of the greatest films of the decade.

Chev Chelios is a professional assassin working for the West Coast crime syndicate. Chev's girlfriend Eve doesn't know what Chev does and Chev is planning to quit the crime syndicate so he can spend more time with her. But for Chev, things about to get very bad, when he learns he has been injected with a poison called "The Beijing Cocktail" by his rival Verona, which will kill him if his heart rate drops. Trying to stay alive and seeking help from friend, Kaylo and Doc Miles, to keep his heart pumping. Chev sets out to find answers as well as protecting Eve, and get his revenge on those who have betrayed him before the poison kills him.
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Carp ATM - when unorthodox former literature professor Nathaniel Dextrous joins the downtrodden workforce of budget chain fishmonger SaltMart following recessionary downsizing at his college, at first he feels that he is better than his shopfloor colleagues. But soon this quirky band of misfits teach him a valuable lesson in humility, which he repays by nurturing in them a love for poetry through his own brand of inspirational tutelage. There may be a climax featuring some kind of in-store recital during which the stammering shy guy from the gutting table wins the affection of the mousy payroll clerk with a heartfelt rendition of Ezra Pound's 'The S-s-s-s-seafarer'.
 
All romantic comedies.

Sample pitch: Right so Jennifer Anniston is playing a single woman living in New York who meets some quirky-but-adorable guy and there's some kind of plot hook we haven't thought of yet like he's secretly a member of the Ukrainian royal family going undercover to experience life as a normal guy or Anniston is pregnant with a baby from a failed relationship with an Indonesian prince and the baby will be king of Indonesia one day or the guy still wets the bed or some shit like that. We've got enough stock footage from near-identical films that we can get away with about forty-five minutes of principal photography and we can save more money by hiring an illiterate Chinese peasant child to write the script. Throw in the product placement money and we'll be in the black before we even get the fucking thing into theatres, what's not to like?
 
SpookyFrank said:
All romantic comedies.

Sample pitch: Right so Jennifer Anniston is playing a single woman living in New York who meets some quirky-but-adorable guy and there's some kind of plot hook we haven't thought of yet like he's secretly a member of the Ukrainian royal family going undercover to experience life as a normal guy or Anniston is pregnant with a baby from a failed relationship with an Indonesian prince and the baby will be king of Indonesia one day or the guy still wets the bed or some shit like that. We've got enough stock footage from near-identical films that we can get away with about forty-five minutes of principal photography and we can save more money by hiring an illiterate Chinese peasant child to write the script. Throw in the product placement money and we'll be in the black before we even get the fucking thing into theatres, what's not to like?
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Good news! Gerard Butler has already signed up!
 
Stuck In Themiddle With You - arrogant NYC stock car driver Zeus Colostomy holes up in the dusty Indiana town of Themiddle after pissing off the Chicago Outfit, the Cleveland Crime Family, the Kansas City Mafia and the Five Families by purposefully winning a race he was meant to throw, costing the wiseguys billions. Despite quickly upsetting almost everyone in this small slice of Middle America with his brash big city ways, the rough edges are slowly sanded off him by the big-hearted proprietor of the local garage Stella's Wheels, who helps to show him that there's more to life than nightclubs, cocaine binges and art gallery openings. With help from the soon-won-over locals, Stella foils the plans of the mobsters who have learned of Colostomy's whereabouts and dispatched a team of assassins; love triumphs, apple pie is eaten, Colostomy learns a valuable life lesson, etc.
 
Kanał - Nick Love's update of the Andrzej Wadja classic also blends in elements of Pusher and InnerSpace, with a miniaturised Danny Dyer trapped inside Tamer Hassan's arsehole on the run from some seriously heavy Chechen drug traffickers after overdosing on a new type of super-strong genetically modified ketamine developed by ex-KGB biochemists during a deal-gone-wrong.
 
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The Cannibal Run - an illegal cross-country car rally is further complicated when infamous psycho killer Hannibal Lector escapes custody in New York following his extradition. He kills a driver, assumes his identity and uses the race as cover to flee from justice. Soon his competitors are dropping like flies... When the field reaches West Virginia a Highway Patrol officer with haunted eyes and a shadowy past senses something amiss, and takes up a pursuit which takes her across the United States towards the finish line in Seattle - but first she must confront her demons, and tackle the cackling ham with the unconvincing Burt Reynolds face mask as he hurtles through the sheep farms of Montana on a moonless night leaving only a trail of partially eaten cadavers in his wake...
 
An Exploration of The Ultimate Oneness of Everything as Seen Through The Eyes of a Microscopic Intestinal Parasite. A bold attempt at making the most pretentious film ever made. Terence Malick is already attached to direct. We have an excellent script by Terrence Malick and Terrence Malick has agreed to do the voice-over narration. We're confident we've got the right team we need to break new ground in pretentiousness, surpassing even the high water mark set by whatever Terrence Malick's last film was.
 
Fahrenheit 420: Michael Moore takes on the marijuana legalization issue by interviewing assorted smokers in the Pacific Northwest before dressing up as a giant spliff and attempting to confront President Obama.
 
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